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How do I graciously
turn down a gift I do not want? Dear Kathy, Friday night my wonderful husband came home with an executive desk for my home office. Before he brought this gift home, I had everything set up the way I wanted and my office was just starting to look really good after our last organizing session together. Here's the problem: my husband worked so hard to get this huge desk into the van and bring it home. He is a sweetheart to think of me, but the desk is too big for my office. Also, it is made of a dark cherry wood, and everything else in my office is oak, so it looks out of place. I ended up spending the weekend trying to set up the new desk and make it work in my office, instead of doing the organizing and weekly planning I had planned to do. Then as I was moving the desk into place I hurt my back. I guess I'll try to work with this desk for a week and then re-evaluate the situation. I love that you share your wisdom with others. Any suggestions for what I should do? I could be down in the dumps and your e-mails are like a package of love from Heaven. Looking forward to receiving your response. Appreciative but DiscouragedBellevue, WA Dear Appreciative, It sounds like you are feeling really torn between making your husband feel good about his generous gesture and doing what you think is best for you and your business. These kinds of situations can be very touchy and need to be handled carefully. I gather that the desk was free or was a really good deal. Your husband may have thought, "At that price I can't afford NOT to take it home." Unfortunately, there is a cost to acquiring all possessions, whether we pay money for them or not. We pay with our ENERGY, SPACE (for storing "free" things), TIME, etc. I know from our work together that one of your goals is to simplify your life and keep only those things which enhance your personal and professional life. When the time is right, and in your own kind and loving way, you can help your husband recognize that nothing is free...that there are other costs to acquiring more things. I know that you have some very specific ideas about the way you need your office to be in order for you to function most effectively. It sounds like this desk does not meet your needs. Is there a possibility that the desk could be used in another area of your home? Or do you know of someone else who would really appreciate having it? Regardless of what you decide, it sounds like your husband's generous gesture was not lost on you. I can tell how much you appreciate the thought behind his action. In the present, you can tell him how much you appreciate his thoughtfulness. In the future, it may be helpful to have some agreements between the two of you about making joint decisions prior to acquiring anything major for the home or for your business. Warm regards, Kathy Paauw
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