Paauwerfully Organized

Family Meetings

“A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another.
If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful
as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with
one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.”
--Buddah

One common theme I hear from my clients is that they want to spend more time with their families. Work, responsibilities, and overcommitted schedules seem to be the biggest obstacle.

The Family Meeting provides an opportunity for household communication, regardless of what the family looks like. This works well for roommates and couples without kids, too. Although I am focusing on the family here, this same model can be used in a classroom (Class Meetings) or business setting (Team Meetings) by reworking the agenda accordingly.

Determine the frequency of your family meetings. I suggest once a week, and if that is not possible, at least every other week. The meeting can be on the same day of the week or can be more flexible, as long as it is scheduled for a time when everyone can be present. My experience is that these meetings do not happen unless they are scheduled in advance.

Once you commit to holding regular meetings, get clear about the purpose of the meeting and create a consistent agenda to support the desired outcomes. Below are some suggested agenda items:

APPRECIATIONS: Start off on a positive note. Share appreciations. If someone wants to “pass” they can do so.
APOLOGIES / FORGIVENESS: Have time for family members to offer apologies and forgiveness if anyone has wronged someone or has been wronged. Then move on and let go of it.
PLANNING / SCHEDULES: Plan family activities together. Coordinate upcoming schedules. Who is where when? Who needs the car? Who is driving? How can you support each other during particularly stressful times?
AGENDA ITEMS: Rather than hashing out a disputes or difference in the heat of the moment, write it down on the “agenda” (keep this on the refrigerator or some common place) to bring up at the family meeting. During the meeting the family can discuss solutions or natural and logical consequences for recurring issues.

Avoid hurt feelings and family conflicts by being clear about expectations. There’s some truth to the old adage, “when you know better you do better.” If parents need 24-hour notice for use of the family car, let that be known.
HOUSEHOLD RESPONSIBILITIES: Divide household chores and responsibilities fairly. Post a chores schedule that states who will do what and by when. Keeping it in writing and accessible to everyone will help avoid confusion and misunderstandings.
MEAL PLANNING / CLEAN-UP: Who will be home for dinner? When will they be home by? Will you plan to eat as a family some nights and eat “on the go” other nights? If family members want to have input about what’s for dinner, perhaps each person can have a night to do the meal planning and help with preparation.

Who will do the dishes? Does everyone pitch in until it’s done? Does the cook do the dishes? Does the cook get the night off and everyone else does the dishes? Be clear about who is responsible for what.