Organizing & Productivity Consultant
Certified Life Coach
Issue 18
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An "On Purpose" Life |
Over the summer my 69-year-old mother visited Seattle to escape the Phoenix heat and to explore the possibility of moving here in her retirement. During her visit, I took her to the fitness club where I exercise, and I arranged for her to spend an hour with a personal trainer named Anthony.
My mother does not like venturing into the unknown, and she is uncomfortable in situations where she isn't sure what to do next or what might happen. If you’ve ever gone into a gym and looked at all of the weight and cardio machines, you know that it is not transparently obvious how to use each machine…what level to set the seat at, where to stand, what weight or resistance level is appropriate for you to start at, what to do, etc. Most people feel completely out of their comfort zone the first time they see all that exercise equipment. My mother was no exception.
I was struck by Anthony’s wisdom. As he talked with my mother about her intentions, he told her that the quality of her future health would result from the expectations and beliefs she held for her own self-care. If she told herself, "I won’t know what to do with all those machines and I don’t know anyone there," she would probably talk herself out of showing up to the gym because of her discomfort with the unknown and her imagining it to be an uncomfortable experience. On the other hand, if she told herself, "This is an adventure! I look forward to meeting some new people at the gym and learning some new ways to improve my health," her expectations would be different and she would be more likely to follow through with her intention to exercise at the gym.
So if my mother expected or imagined her future to be worse than her present, Anthony suggested that she would find ways to align her actions with her expectations -- a self-fulfilling prophecy. And if she expected or imagined her future to be better than her present, her expectations and actions would align to realize the future she envisioned for herself.
Anthony asked my mother a powerful question: What will be possible if you promise yourself to come to the club and work out 3-4 times per week? She started listing the possibilities: improved strength, better balance (physical balance and a more balanced life), improved cardiovascular health, better bone density, improved muscle tone, stress reduction, improved self-esteem, more flexibility, social interaction with other women, more energy (to keep up with her daughter and granddaughter), and the list went on. Then Anthony asked my mother: What will it cost you to NOT make this promise to yourself? Here is what she listed: weak, unbalanced, reduced cardiovascular health, deteriorating bone density and muscle tone, stress, poor self-image, inflexible, and less energy.
Okay, so Anthony
was trying to sell my mother a fitness club membership. Sales pitch
aside, he conveyed an important message. We need to take full responsibility
for expecting our future to be as we want it to be. Whether consciously
or unconsciously, we attract everything that shows up in our lives by
choosing our expectations and commitments. If you don’t like your present
circumstances, you have the ability to decide how to alter your course.
You are the sole architect of your future.
"The
main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing."
- -Stephen Covey
Do you ever feel as if your schedule was in control of you, instead of you being in control of your schedule?
A client recently said to me, "I love my work, but I'm working harder and harder and can't seem to get everything done." By our second coaching call, this client realized that it was not her spouse, her kids, her travel schedule, her job, or her commute time that stood in the way of her doing what she wanted to do - it was her own doing! She began to recognize that she was fully responsible for her own choices and actions. Once she quit believing that she couldn't get what she wanted because of someone or something else, she began to make the time for what was most important to her.
Last
month's newsletter was about renewing and renegotiating your commitments.
Now it's time to create a plan so you can honor those commitments
to yourself and to others. If you feel like you don't have enough
time, take a few minutes to respond to these questions:
| 1. | What
do you really want for yourself over the next six months? Identify
what you are most passionate about in your life. |
| 2. | What’s
holding you back from doing these things? |
| 3. | What are your expectations for your future? Imagine that things are already the way you want them to be and write down the results you expect in each of the following areas - in specific and measurable terms. |
|
|
| 4. | What
negative beliefs or expectations do you have which could sabotage
your results? |
| 5. | What
will it cost you to not achieve your expectations? |
| 6. | What
do you choose to consistently do in order to achieve your
expectations in each of the areas identified above? |
| 7. | When
you catch yourself wasting time, what are some other things you
would rather do? Make a list of "better things to do."
For example, if you surf the Net more than you wish to, have a
list of "better things to do" posted next to your computer.
If you watch too much TV at home, keep a list of "better
things to do" next to the remote control. |
| 8. | What requests will you make of friends and loved ones who can support your efforts to achieve what you want? |
We don't plan to fail; we fail to plan.
When you go on a road trip, do you just get in the car and drive, or do you plan how to get from where you are now to where you want to go? If you don't care about the destination, you may not be concerned with such details. However, if you have a specific destination in mind, you'd probably create a road map (either physically or mentally) to get you from point A to point B.
Action Idea: Create your road map by setting aside an hour each week for planning how you will invest your 168 hours for the coming week. Identify what day of the week and time of day will work best so you can consistently keep this weekly appointment with yourself. Write your weekly appointment time into your calendar NOW. Visit http://www.orgcoach.net/sixsteps.html to review an excellent weekly planning process.
As you live your week, remember your intentions and what the cost will be if you do not follow through. And remember this truth: Every time you say YES to someone or something, you are saying NO to someone or something else. What do you choose to say YES to in your life? What are you willing to let go of in order to make room for that burning YES within?
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