"Love yourself first and

everything falls into line."

-Lucille Ball

As we gear up to celebrate Valentine’s Day, let’s look at something that is important to everyone…self care. Do you treat yourself as well as you would treat a cherished friend or family member?

My father died on Valentine’s Day twenty-nine years ago. He was 47 years old and he had a massive heart attack. Although some of it was due to genetic predisposition, my father ate frequent high-fat, high-cholesterol foods, did not exercise much, and lived with high stress in almost every area of his life.

Two years ago I started working out with a personal trainer, scheduled daily cardio exercise, made major changes to my dietary habits, started getting more sleep, arranged for regular massages, blocked out more free days, and scheduled more vacation time away from home.

I lost 20 pounds and have kept it off. I am in better shape than I was decades ago (I am now 50). People who had not seen me for a while have commented that I look at least ten years younger than I did the last time they saw me. In addition to this physical change, I made major investments of time and resources in personal development, as well. I'm amazed at what consistent self-care can do!

Taking care of yourself is not just a good idea. It will also make you a better business owner, service professional, employee, parent, friend, volunteer, and partner. Your employer, business partners, or customers expect that you will do whatever is necessary to be in good physical, mental, spiritual, and social order. I used to be afraid that taking more time for myself would mean that my business would suffer and I’d take a big financial hit. I can tell you that this has not been my experience. While taking better care of myself over the past couple of years, I’ve earned more than in any of the previous 32 years of my working life. Practicing better self-care has helped me to work smarter rather than harder.  In addition to being financially rewarded, I feel so much better and am having a lot more fun.

Take a moment to think about what you expect from other professionals who interact with you. Now, look in the mirror and be honest. Do you like what you see? How does your self-care affect your work or your relationship with yourself and others?

Especially during these tough economic times, it’s important that you put yourself at the top of your priority list. Imagine if you let yourself fall apart, how much less equipped you’d be to make it through challenging times.

Also remember that as a parent, you serve as a role model for your children. You are their most important teacher.  If you take care of yourself, you teach your children the importance of taking care of themselves.  If you sacrifice your health, you teach your children that it's okay for them to sacrifice their health.

Here's a great reminder from author and speaker Barbara De Angelis:  "If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself."

Most people think that cancer is the leading killer in America.  Although it is up there, heart disease is actually the leading killer for women, and it is high on the list for men, too. You already know that a healthy diet and a good exercise program can reduce cardiac risk factors. I was surprised to learn the that the risk of dying within six months of a heart attack are four times greater for people who are depressed and lonely.

When people ask how my father died at such an early age, I usually say that he died of a broken heart. Although much of his heart disease was related to the high stress he was under, as well an unwillingness to honor his own needs for self-care with a reasonable diet and exercise program, my parents had just divorced and he was very lonely.

Dr. Dean Ornish, a Clinical Professor of Medicine at UCSF and author of the book, Love and Survival, tells us that “medicine today focuses primarily on drugs and surgery, genes and germs, microbes and molecules. Yet love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well. Connections with other people affect not only the quality of our lives but also our survival. Study after study finds that people who feel lonely are many times more likely to get cardiovascular disease than those who have a strong sense of connection and community.”

Lonely people are also much more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors, taking refuge in food, drugs, alcohol or cigarettes.  They have nobody else to live for.   But even those who eat right, exercise, and avoid smoking and other risk factors, are at greater risk for premature death.  There is a lot that medical experts don’t completely understand, although several recent studies have found that the protective effects of expressing and receiving love have a profound effect on heart health.  Understanding the connection between how we live and how long we live can help us to make better choices.

Ornish suggests that “instead of viewing the time we spend with friends and family as luxuries, we can see that these relationships are among the most powerful determinants of our well-being and survival.  We are hard-wired to help each other.  Science is documenting the healing values of love, intimacy, community, compassion, forgiveness, altruism and service – values that are part of almost all spiritual traditions as well as many secular ones.”

I am amazed at how little effort it takes to motivate, uplift, and make a difference in my own life and in the lives of others by the simple gesture of sending a note of appreciation or encouragement.  And in doing so, I feel more connected.

We all want to be acknowledged for our contributions in this world – to know that our lives matter in some way -- and we all want to be treated with respect – at home and at work.

When was the last time you shared expressions of appreciation and admiration with those you work and live with?  Here are a few ideas of ways you can reach out:

• Pick up the phone and call – thank someone for a good deed, or just express how much you appreciate them being a part of your life.
• Send a hand-written note.  It does not need to be long.  It’s the thought that counts.
• Invite someone out to a “just because” lunch.
• Compliment someone for something you appreciate about them (it doesn’t have to be anything big to be appreciated).
• Do something you know someonbe else would appreciate, without being asked.

I’ve found a quick, easy and economical way to stay connected with others.

I’ve found a quick, easy and economical way to stay connected with others.  It combines the technology of the Internet with the personal touch of a real greeting card that arrives in the mail.  Click here to read more about a company that will print it, address it, stuff it, stamp it with a real stamp, and send it in the mail for you, all for about a dollar.  After trying and enjoying this product/service myself, I became an authorized rep. Let me know if you’d like to test-drive the system. How about sending a Valentine on my nickel, and I’ll even pay for the stamp!

This Valentine’s Day, consider these two things:

1.How can you do a better job of loving yourself? Visit my February 2, 2010 blog posting for concrete suggestions to help you practice better self-care in five important areas of your life.

2.What consistent action will you take to stay more connected with the important people in your life? 

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